For many families, this year's holiday season looks different because of COVID-19. Family traditions may be postponed or interrupted, and parents and kids may be isolated from loved ones. The stress from these holiday changes may be challenging for everyone in the family – especially kids and teens.
We sat down with Theresa Valach, LCSW, Clinical Director at La Rabida Children's Hospital and Angela Hamberlin, LCPC, Trauma Therapist at La Rabida's Chicago Child Trauma Center for a brief Q&A about how to identify and manage holiday stress brought on by COVID-19.
How might changes this holiday season impact kids ages five and under?
Kids five and under have begun to expect the rituals your family has developed around Christmas. Traditions and rituals are how they connect with the holiday. This year some of these rituals may not be possible due to isolating and distancing, including sharing the holiday with extended family and friends. This may be confusing and disappointing for children although they may not know how to express it in typical ways.
How can parents tell if these kids are having a difficult time with the isolated holiday season?
You may see their disappointment or frustration come out in different behaviors that you do not typically see such as increased irritability, crying, tantrums, or hyperactivity. They also may pull for more attention than they typically need.
What advice do you have for parents of kids this age who may be struggling?
Add some new family rituals to make the holiday special. Have some extra bonding time to cuddle and enjoy each other's company. Look at pictures together of past years and recall special moments together. Discuss those who are missed this year and how that might make children feel. There are many great children's books and TV specials (Sesame Street, Daniel Tiger, etc.) that have been made to help children understand the current pandemic and the need to isolate. They can be helpful in explaining the changes to children.
How might changes this holiday season impact elementary and middle school kids?
Elementary and middle school children are seeking socialization. Often this is a time of celebrations and parties at school, with cousins, other family, and friends. They are also looking forward to the rituals and traditions your family has created.
How can parents tell if these kids are having a difficult time with the isolated holiday season?
Children may turn to television, video games, or other activities more than usual to replace the time they usually have with friends. They may begin to self-isolate, or the opposite, they may seek out more attention from siblings or parents to keep them entertained. They may also show less patience or have a shorter fuse, having meltdowns over things they can usually tolerate.
What advice do you have for parents of kids this age who may be struggling?
Continue to celebrate the traditions and rituals you can and also create new traditions to make this year special. Help find ways to keep your kids connected to family and friends. Perhaps write some Christmas cards to family or friends they are missing. Allow them to express themselves and tell others that they are missed and being thought of this year. Allow them to draw or send pictures to people to keep that connection.
How might changes this holiday season impact teenagers?
Teenagers are developing independence and their friends are often the center of their world. Staying home from school and missing out on connections with friends is very hard at this age.
How can parents tell if these kids are having a difficult time with the isolated holiday season?
Teenagers may want to isolate and have time away from the family. They may sleep more and may be more irritable than normal. They may be on their phone, computer, tablets, or gaming more in efforts to stay connected with peers. Parents should look for changes from typical behavior during this time of increased isolation.
What advice do you have for parents of kids this age who may be struggling?
Ask teenagers how they are feeling. Ask if there is anything the parent can do to make things easier for them. At this age supporting teenagers in noticing what they are feeling and identifying some solutions themselves builds great emotional intelligence and respects their growing needs for independence. It also doesn't hurt to push them to get involved in some larger family bonding time (such as movies, crafts, decorating) to make sure they are not completely isolated.
It is important to remember that everyone, including parents, may be more stressed out this holiday season. Pay close attention to any changes in your child's behavior by monitoring anything that is unusual or different then how they were prior to the COVID-19 pandemic. If parents have concerns, it is always ok to seek out help from doctors, therapists, and other professionals for your children or yourself.
For more information about La Rabida's behavioral health services and the Chicago Child Trauma Center, visit https://larabida.org/cherry-services/child-abuse-and-trauma/.
